honeydu

girls are pretty

GENDERLAB.org

Art parade was fun. Thank you to everyone (esp. Kat for the wise after talk) and remember to honor your body as your temple and playground. LIve boldly in all your choices! xoxo larken

If anyone ever sees those skeleton long underwear, black with the white bones, circa 1985, like one of the kids wore as his halloween costume in ET...I would really appreciate it if you would buy them for me.

items that i placed bids on ebay today:
snoopy snow cone maker

items that i am watching:
anatomical heart model that comes apart and is 5x the life size
anatomical heart jello mold
vintage shoes size 8,5
operation game
vintage eyeglass frames
vintage shoes size 8.5
vintage nures uniforms
vintage school girl/boy uniforms
vintage flight attendent (stewardess) uniforms
victrola and phonographs
old school projectors for overhead transparencies

if you ever feel like buying me a present, now you know what i like!

Dear Major Cell Phone Provider,

As text messaging becomes an important form of communication which I rely upon to express myself quickly and efficiently. I feel that it is imperative that the "Predict A Text" feature accurately represent the standard words I use on a day to day basis and refrain from discrimiation against words just because they are not English or may be considered profane.

I have ended up sending text that say "I want to 'duck' you" 
and getting texts back that say, "Quack."

This is humiliating and your failure to respect current trends in dialoug shows a behind the times attitude...one I would not expect from a world class cellular company on the cutting edge of technolgoy!

Please add the following words to your "predict a text" lexicon:
edamame
gnochi
cie la vie
fuck
sushi
chimichanga
taco
que bueno
namaste


Gracias,


Lauren Spees

DIY INSTRUCTIONS TO FIX A PHONE THAT HAS DROPPED IN THE TOILET

Fish it out from your toilet bowl, stick your hand down in there and grab into the small tube in the bottom of your toilet. If necessary try to "plunge it out" by creating water pressure into the tube. 

Set your phone aside and wash your hands very well. Do not attempt to turn on your phone. Leave it for one full day. 

The next night take of the battery pack and blow dry your phone and battery pack separatley for 15 minutes. 

Remove Antenna. Blow dry into Antenna for five minutes.

Facing north ask for wisdom and help from Allah, God, Krishna, and Buddha.  Do Ansusara B. Lightly step or jump to the front of your mat.

Allow your new kitten to play with the phone to give it St. Francis of Assissi blessing of the animal.

Place both items near a fan key side down for 14.5 hours.

Plug in your phone and press it on. Attach the battery pack. Wallah. Your phone is Revived by the Holy Spirit. 

Call all your friends and tell them your phone is amphibious and kicks their phone's asses.

I gave notice at MAC. I need a new job, home, and life in the next month.
I would like to sublet my apt for 2000 and move to Cortelyou Road. I can bike to Brooklyn College from there, it is also next to Vox Pop (where I will woo Sander, the founder), and shop at the Flatbush Co-op and work at one of the burgeoning bars on the street.

Speaking of transformations, I wrote the following in an email to a friend, Michelle, who just joined LJ and who is the founder of HollabackBOSTON,(not in affiliation with HollabackStabbed and is Awesome!)  And she thought perhaps I should BLOG it to see if anyone likes the idea and has any ideas for a working title or other fairy tales that should be incorporated. 

ONES I HAVE THOUGHT OF SO FAR:
Jack and the Bean Stalk
Sleeping Beauty
and...,.

LITTLE RED and how the woolf is a total harasser and he was like, "Dude it wasn't my fault it was that red cape, she deserved it." Then she gets to her grannies house, a place that is supposed to be SAFE and trusts in that relationship...but the wolf is dressed as her and EATS her alive. Showing that even relatives can be abusers. Then the huntsman comes and shows radical love and Granny and Lil Red become survivors.

THIS IS THE KIND OF WORK I WANT TO DO:
Who else wants to do it with me?

Also in case you are wanting to read really intimate details about every ounce of food I put in my body you can check out my other blog and track the progress of my nutritional transformation.

silly

Hear Yee Hear Yee...I would like to introduce you to the loves of my life. Pictured here are my little sister, Kristen, and my new kitty, Ginger Snap or GSNAP if he likes you.
xoxo

From Michelle's Blog 
Thursday 22, 2006

<td width="10"> </td> Sex is for Fags
Current mood: awake

I dedicate this blog to my dear friend, Ms. Lauren Spees. I hope it brightens your day. Remember when we signed our virginity away to Jesus? HA.

So - i'm scanning through the web, trying to find statistics on sexual abuse in gay relationships, and GUESS what i find instead?

www.sexisforfags.com

the rationale is that only men who are "fags" have sex. and it is a christian abstinence program - get this, it says on the site: "PRODUCED BY the US Dept. of Health & Human Services and the White House Office of Youth Purity." - they're passing this off as a government sponsored program - but, hell, who really knows, right?  it made me burst out laughing. I mean, I hope it's just a joke, really. Otherwise, I'm starting to wonder how these people are not declared legally insane.

They want boys to pledge:

1. To stay massively cool by not having sex. Because only major losers have sex which everyone knows is only for fags.

2. To never let any slutty girls peer pressure me into touching their vaginas because vaginas are totally gay.

3. To ignore my raging hormones and burning drive to fondle, suckle, and thrust furiously into a hot gooey pit of creamy-soft fleshy ecstasy.

4. To keep my groinal giblets inside my GAP khakis, and to punch those sweaty bits into submission whenever they percolate with desire.

5. To never spill my sacred "dude milk" unless it is inside of some hot babe who already married me and took my last name.

(my favorite parts are: "vaginas are totally gay."  and the description of "creamy-soft fleshy ecstasy" - um, getting a little TOO into it, are we? Also, how many times the words "gay" and "fag" are used over and over on the site. you'd think they would at least try not to hammer other *ideas* into the heads of boys that they're telling NOT to have sex with girls. christians never fail to amuse me....)

Also, check out the girls' site only if you have the stomach for it: ironhymen.com.

Barberry and Kat joined me at Joe's Pub for the Not in Our City Toni Blackman Rock the Mic Against Rape Concert last night. It was awesome and the girls from the Freestyle Union Cipher Workshop for Female MC's and Hip-Hop poets ROCKED my incadescent world.   

Hip Hop, Street Art, and Interactive Techonology are where it is at right now with Activism.  I am looking into planning a "consensual sex is hottt" party at this bar called La Vagina. (hee hee) Toni Blackman's booking agent owns it and Christine (from Not in Our City) said we can get a bunch of sex toys from BABELAND. Very fun!!! I want to put together a skit with projections, and the Radical Cheerleaders, based on consent with an old school projections from 1950's Sex Ed, which shouldn't be too hard to acquire since they are still using the same shit in class rooms today.

I am excited to go to Brooklyn College, but I need a job that will let me work some flexible hours. I would prefer not to go back to bartending, tho' I fear this may be the most profittable avenue to staying relitivally debt free.  I have classes Monday and Tuesday from 3-10pm which means I would have to leave from the city around 2pm.
Any ideas? Help a sista out.

Friday:
Michelle, high school friend who founded HollabackBOSTON Arrives
Eat at Fred's
Her friend (who's cousin owns The Maritime Hotel) invites us to party with her
I get told my style is "so Vivian Westwood" by the diva drag queen hostess at the club there

Sat:
make 100 copies of the Hollaback comic book
Table all day at the VDAY, Right Rides Sponsored Block Party in Williamsburg with Michelle, SUPPORT New York, and NYC against Rape 
fall in love with the Red Collective and their public art
Eat Sushi, and lots of it
Walk towards amazing sunset and stumble upon my new favourite restaurant, RELISH

Sunday:
Buy a helmet for $9 at Toys R US and bike down to the Lower East Side
Eat at Kates with Ms. Adrienne Harris
Hang out at Bluestockings and read Toni Blackman poetry
Ride home along the west side hwy
get shmazed for Broadway Bares, Equity Fights AIDS at the Roseland Ballroom where we see Cindy Lauper unveil a strap on clad with HUGE pink Dildo in the middle of her "very sentimental"  performance of "True Colors." 
Dine at Vynl
Drink at Vingage

Today:
Work at MAC (in progress)
Doing a reading of "Saints in Strange Places" with RVD
Toni Blackman at Joe's Pub with Johanna and Kat!
SLEEP
SLEEP
SLEEP
SLEEP

I live in a plugged in world of instant everything right now: Email and Real time Blogging. Feelings quickly distributed without delay. If that fails there is cell phone. Voice mail. Messanger Service, Work line. Postal mail. Fed Ex. Text message. Myspace, Friendster, Flickr, and of course the dubious Google Search. Deliveries of flowers or other commodities. And when all of those methods of communication fail to relay any information...one can feel very lost in this technological whirl. I keep looking for a pidgeon or dove to remind me that connections are not mearly made on conventional means.  However, it sure helps. Soul fabric can be stiched a million different ways, and some of the most rewarding techniques are not usual, which makes them gloriously unexpected. However they can not be depended on, which can seem cruel.

Then I have to remember that when seeds are sown, they must have time to grow. They are not instant commodities. Relationships and life---however vieled it may seem by our pocket sized plug in systems always beeping and alerting us otherwise--are really and truthfully the same.

I went to a reading of the Awakening (a new musical) last night which featured the talents of Miss Tiffany Diane Smith, who was as always hysterically perfect in every given/created/stolen moment. The music by Robert Intile, was wonderful and I was moved deeply by the performances especially of the lead, Natalie Newman.

I got my official letter from Brooklyn College regarding my matriculation to their (proposed---still pending government approval) MFA program in Performance and Interactive Media Arts.  I am in the process of applying for FAFSA and finding my freaking immunization records (a very difficult task it seems) so that I can enroll.

There still lurks this question in my heart---am I fucking up by not fully concentrating all my time energy and resources into acting?  If I were to invest 8000 a year into my headshots, website, vocal and acting training, and well being...instead of pursuing a higher degree---would I end up in the same place? I had a Legally Blonde (the musical) audition yesterday at the Equity bldg. and I sang to a little stuffed dog in my purse---who does not yet have a name*--and they loved that and asked me to sing some more.  

I cannot decide if acting is a vehicle to be able to create more theatre or if I have decided to create more theatrical opportunity because I feel like a failure at acting. But by all accounts I have come a long way and my perception of failure is simply because this process can sometimes take a long time. So while I am working hard at that why not keep making other areas of my life splendid and desireable. I just don't want to have graduated with an MFA and still have this yearing desire to perform and only perform.  I hope that whatever path I choose that it be not because I am afraid and ends up being the most direct route to the most essential things.  AGH. This is the kind of micromanaging that goes on in my brain all day long. I am going to save you from it at least!

The wedding last week was splendid---though dancing with my middle school friends and their husbands and my enduring the passes procured by my best friend's big brother's friends...provided interest fodder. Why is everyone outside of New York in Realestate or Mortgage?

So Today we went boating with Grant (old buddy from High School, who used to be on ski and swim team with me who says "I followed him to 'SC") It was an absolutely magnificent day. We tooted around to all the beaches taking pix (because the tables at the wedding are all themed with different Lake Tahoe Beach themes). Lotsa people like to nude sunbathe in the more hidden spots, especially Chimney Beach and Cave Rock...the quote of the day goes to Grant who said, "Yah buddy I like to get a little sun on my wang too" in response to the nude waving dude. Alls a go the wedding is still on and I am still the Maid of Honor. Miss you, but glad I have a few more days of nature in the homeland.

Look at my user pix. Now picture two people (me and some boy) dressed in life size foam (or other material) costumes in those boy/girl shapes in the back of a convertible (where will we find one?) Maybe I will wear the boy one and the boy will wear the girl one. This is phase one of the GENDER PROJECT which I would like to submit to the DIETCH PROJECT-ART PARADE! September 09, 2006----who knows a sculptor, costume builder or super creative person who could help me construct prototypes asap??? It would be so cool! xoxo

Yo. Who knows wedding rules?
I am the maid of honor in two weeks in my best friend (from middle school's wedding) and have opted to stray from the registry. First of all i am flying out a week in advance to throw some bachelorette hoopla which will involve Babeland stuff-not to mention a week missed from work. I also plan on getting the bride a jewlrey present of some sort and the couple, who I have known FOREVER a subscription to Readymade and maybe a few other really cool things. I know that this is breaking the rules, but am I going to hell?

ALSO: I NEED MUSIC FOR WEDDING SUGGESTIONS! BRING IT ON. I DON"T WANNA LISTEN TO CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!

help a sista out.

ps: wanna buy a house in Brooklyn with me?